broken hearts anonymous

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together. Anonymous

There are no scientific studies about how we are physiologically effected by the break up of a relationship. We are going explain how a break up is a stressor then you will understand the physiological effects so they can become more manageable.

Studies show that the top 3 causes of stress are:

1. Money

2. Work

3. Personal Relationships

FADE IN

INT. BEDROOM- MORNING

Our character awakes to the reality of losing the job she had for 18 years. She feels betrayed, exploited, and shocked. She moves to lift her body out of bed, but falls back because the thought of starting the day is too overwhelming; sleeping is a welcome distraction. Hours later she wakes.  Her heart stomach hurts, she feels disoriented, and then she notices a pain in her chest. In a panic she contemplates whether or not she is about to have a heart attack.

Does this scene sound familiar? Of course it does…her symptoms of losing a job are the same that you are experiencing because a special relationship ended without your consent. It all has to do with stress and how you physically and mentally adapt to the new situation you’re in.

We could give you a textbook definition of the many complex systems which are involved with regulating your body during stressful episodes, but since you just want to know what the heck is going on with you right now, we’re going to give you the ‘cliff notes’ version.

During a stress attack hormones are released into your nervous system, blood system and your immune system causing intense physical reactions.  Heart rate increases, blood pressure goes up, stomach aches, headaches and more are very common.  These symptoms are similar in almost all cases whether you just had a near miss car accident or you had a major break up of a relationship. One of the important differences is how long the effects of the hormones, and the damage they can cause, stay in your body.

In the case of the car accident they will go away relatively quickly once you are out of harms way.  In the case of the break up, these effects can last weeks, even months or years.  The effects can make you feel sick, tired and depressed.   It is important to remember that you are not imaging these symptoms!!! They are hurting you physically.  Even areas like the condition of your hair and skin can be affected.  Do you notice the circles under your eyes? face broken out? hair brittle or even falling out?  Every part of your body has to handle this stress it is under.   This situation is called the “fight or flight syndrome”, and is found in all animals as well as humans.  Initially it was meant to help us run from or fight our foe, but as we have evolved, and added countless problems and events into our hurried lives, stress has taken on a new dimension.  Let me tell you a story and see if this helps.

Amy just got dumped by her boyfriend of 5 years.  He found another love.  She is in shock, can’t believe this  is happening to her and is physically sick because of it.  Is this just a broken heart? No!! it is stress over and over again.  Each time she replays the last meeting with her boyfriend her heart pounds, she has a panic attack and feels sick to her stomach.  Heart burn, diarrhea, headache, fatigue and more overwhelm her to the point that she can’t work or even function.  If she is not crying  she is full of anger at the situation she finds herself in.  She is in a state of stress and it won’t let go.  When she remembers the wonderful, tender moments, she feels like her heart is breaking into tiny pieces. over and over again.

Is this was it means to feel like you are dying of a broken heart?  In one way, yes.  The hormones being released, do indeed, affect your heart and that pain is real.  Can it be relieved? Yes, and we will deal with that in another blog.  What we want you to know is that a broken heart is a physical reaction not imaged, and there are steps you can take to help yourself through this.

We have been there and found out the hard way through many countless hours of reading  self-help books, talking with others, even therapy and drugs. We implore you to read these words and take them to heart, We are here to help you.